That’s right, I’m going there again.
There’s no other way to talk about this subject besides using circumlocution.
I’m an independent thinker. And by “independent thinker,” I mean I generally have a controversial outlook on every topic. A go-getting eccentric and a leader by nature, there’s nobody I’ve met, in great or small ways, that I didn’t feel the need to take care of… or possibly even take under my wing. I am an idealist in friendship, in that I think everyone could love one another if they were just humble enough to say “I’m sorry” and mean it. If that were possible, we could all just live, and not worry about friend termination. If I had one wisdom to share in this life, I would tell you: friendship is just as much art as painting, and apologies are the strokes necessary for great life-altering work.
I love to inspire people, and I love people that awe me in selflessness. It is for that reason that I can’t seem to find it in myself to completely forgive anyone if they’ve really scarred me, unless they’re willing to bridge the “I’m sorry” gap. The most poignant humbling enhancer is that key; the “I’m sorry” key that unlocks that beautiful altruistic spark in people.
This may be shocking (ha ha), but I don’t get along with everyone, though I pretend to on many occasions, but I can find it within me to respect everyone and everyone’s opinions. I seek Nirvana in the friends that teach me lessons, but I so easily burn bridges with anyone that lets me down and doesn’t feel the need to mend the wound. People that aren’t excited by our friendship enough to help me fix it just don’t get me at all.
“A friendship that can end is one that never really began.”
In my mind, I am the firstborn among both my family and my friends- though that isn’t physically true. The problem with me is I demand entirely too much of other people and I push people, just as an elder brother. I have especially high expectations for men, because every met stereotype about American men makes me throw up blood. The fake deeper voice, the disrespect of women, the overall meanness, and general slobbing is disgusting. Trust that I know there are disgusting women too. Also trust that most people are beautiful, depending on how much patience you give them.
Because of my unique thinking, I often cause problems sharing what I think about anything, and I can’t let anyone change my mind. Argue with me, but I’m just too realistic. I know who everyone else is and I know myself entirely too well. That’s the same reason I hate the technique of pointing out my flaws when we’re in an argument. First of all, I know me. And second of all it’s completely impossible to change my mind or another person’s mind, especially through mockery.
There are certain people in the world that I refuse to trust, that I refuse to love, that I refuse to accept, because I know or have experienced who and what they are or at least the archetype that person follows. There are hateful people out there. You may call me stubborn, but look at the place you’re at in life, and think about how much different you really are from your past self. People do change… but in very small increments.
The one thing I think people understand about me is I have the emotional and physical stamina for a great deal of things. I hate whining and I hate laziness. I hate it when people let other people stifle their fun. But people know I will be there to take care of you should your strong personality falter. (Because if we’re good friends, you obviously have a strong personality.) Being a “rock” has been my favorite and the most rewarding recurring role among my friends, and I don’t intend to quit.
Before I go, let’s get one thing straight. I am a very forgiving person, but I won’t waste my precious time on selfish people. Don’t mistake holding grudges for keeping my integrity.